Tag: #love

How Exercise Can Help You Get Out Of You Grey Zone: Combat Depression

We are often only taught about major depression.  That identifiable grey cloud that follows you everywhere you go. You know the heavy feeling in your arms and legs. Or the dark not wanting to get out of bed or can’t face the world type. But there are several other types of depression some of them are more mild but they still have an affect on your life.

Mayo Clinic defines depression as: A mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.


About 2 percent of the American population has a form of depression that’s less severe than major depression, but is still very real. It’s called dysthymia.


Dysthymia is a type of depression that causes a low mood over a long period of time. It may last for a year or more. Most sufferers perform normally but just not optimally. Symptoms include sadness, trouble concentrating, fatigue, and changes in sleep habits and appetite.


This type of depression nearly  ruined my relationship. I went through a spell of depression for about  a year. But here’s the kicker – I had no idea I was depressed. The truth is, it just seeps in and becomes a part of you, before  you even know it. I didn’t feel sad or blue all the time, I was not crying uncontrollably, I didn’t miss milestones, nor fight myself to get out of bed. So how could I know that I was depressed? It wasn’t until I was on the other side of it that I realized what I had been delivered from. I started to realize that I hadn’t been myself.

While I was going through it, of course I could not see the effect that depression had on my relationship. Neither of us had any idea that I was suffering from depression, yet I was not myself and in return we were not who we once were.


Depression has left some residual effects, with many pieces to clean up, but one thing that has helped me is exercising. I began exercising for weight loss and eventually I realized without losing a significant amount of weight, that I was feeling much  better. Cardio always left me more energized and happier, but strength training is just a necessary evil (lol).


Although exercise was my catalyst to launch me out of the grey zone. Here are some other tips and ticks that can help to feed your soul:


  1. Unplug– Sometimes you just have to take a some time and let yourself destress from everyone. As a mom this isn’t always easy but you have to put yourself first so you can come back whole for everyone instead of giving them your half ass self.
  2. Day Dream– Allow yourself to remember the things you love and why. Imagine the possibilities of abundance God has for you. Create the biggest grandest vision of your life, and believe it’s available to you.
  3. Forget Perfect- This alone is freeing. Done is so much better than perfect, as long as you do the best you can do, allow yourself to be proud of your accomplishments. Remind yourself of your own natural  flawlessness and check out our post Born Flawless: Embrace Your Normal!
  4. Call A Friend- You can’t underestimate the effect a sound voice will have on your soul. Call a good friend that you can have a laugh with.
  5. Focus On A Hobby- Just the pleasure of doing something you love. Or learning something new will feed your body good vibes.
  6. Meditate- Sometimes I just do a quick 5 minute guided meditation. I pull one up on YouTube and lay down and breath.
  7. Get Moving- Even if you don’t have a gym membership, or have an hour to dedicate to a workout routine. Give yourself ten minutes and just dance or check out our post on 5 Yoga Poses To Get Your Day Going Right!


I’d stopped exercising for nearly a year and I noticed that I didn’t always feel as good, as I used too. But now that I am back at it, I realized the most important benefit of my exercise routine is my mental strength.

Let's jump into hump day right! 🙌🏾 Mid week motivation. My body has been doing some weird stuff these past three weeks, not too sure what's happen but I must adapt. The main thing that has thrown me off is the fact I'm barely eating. I decided regardless I have to. Taking care of my body is sooooo important, nothing to be taken lightly. Especially during this season where I am looking to lose weight and build strength. I'm doing my best to figure it out one day at a time! Some days are better than others but what matters is that I continually make an effort each and everyday! 😏 Don't let changes stop you from achieving your goals! When something changes, adapt and keep moving! 🏃🏾‍♀️Even better when you have a partner to motivate you! Tag teaming with my girl @evanssam89 #fitnessbuddies #lifewitjoy #healthyliving #afrogirlfitness

A post shared by Joyce Davies (@lifewitjoy) on

One additional benefit of the added energy is a renewed optimism to rebuild my life. So sometimes, depression isn’t ugly, it’s just not pretty. Don’t get stuck in the grey zone.


We’d love to hear some of your tips to helps stay out of the grey zone!


As always Love from The Fit Phatty


15 Steps To A Love Affair … With Your Hair

15 steps to a love affair with your hair

1. Make sure you are speaking the love language of your hair. How, you ask? By knowing your hair’s porosity level.

Trying to love on your hair without speaking its language:

not exactly the ideal love huh?

2. Wine and dine her with tender vittles! Not literally the cat food, but lean proteins  like eggs, Salmon, nuts, also brightly colored fruits and vegetables, and Greek yogurt. Just remember what ever you put in your mouth, will show up in your hair. Some of my favorites are spinach, salmon, and almonds.
3. Pour on the love potion, Water! This is the only way to truly add moisture. Drink it, spray it, look for it in your products.

4. Communication is the key! Learn to listen to your hair. You will be able to feel when it needs a trim, or extra attention.
5.Turn up the heat! Wash your hair with higher temperature water, this helps to open the cuticle.
6. Be cool! Rinse your hair with cooler temperature water. This helps to close the cuticle sealing in the moisture .
7. Be gentle. The best thing to dry your hair with is a t-shirt. Using a towel can pull and tug adding stress to your tresses. As long as you are not dying your hair it will not ruin the shirt, so yes its reusable.
8. Some times you have to go deeper. Deep condition every 4-5 weeks. You don’t need to do it every week, but you should at least do it every month to a month and a half.
9. Be clear! Cleanse your hair every 6-8 weeks with either a clarifying shampoo, or ACV Rinse.
10. Get trim. Now the time line depends on your hair and its condition. At least every 8-12 weeks is a good ruler.
11. Profess and protect! After 6 weeks your protective style has lost its protection.

12.Seal the deal! Coat your ends and your edges with a good oil. Castor Oil, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil, these are the three most commonly used.

13. Loc it down. Employ the LOC Method: Liquid ( Water or water based leave -in) Oil ( Oil or butters in the winter) then last- Cream ( cream based leave-in / styler/ alcohol free gel)

14. Lay it on thick! In cooler temperatures replace your hair oil with a hair butter.

15. Trust the process. Love takes time and so will your hair love affair.

Lol I hope you have enjoyed our 15 steps to a love affair with your hair! Humor aside, we know, discovering how to love your hair is the key to a healthy and happy hair journey. What are some of your love gestures to your hair? Did we leave anything out? Please comment and let us know what you think!

Welp that’s all folks!




What I Know For Sure: Five Things Every Woman Needs To Have by The Time She Reaches Her Forties

imageBy this stage in your life, you have probably spent a great deal of energy living up tosomeone else’s idea of you. Your parents, spouses, children, and society’s views and standards all impact how we see ourselves and or how we measure our successes or accomplishments and the lack thereof. I recently celebrated my 42nd birthday, and like most people I always contemplate my position in life as well as my future around my birthday. I am a real number weirdo, meaning I always look up numbers and see what they mean or correspond to. I remember when I turned forty and I looked it up, as I always do, and I was surprised to see all of the biblical references to new beginnings. I found one article that correlated a woman turning forty, to the Israelites making it to the promise land. This was so eye opening to me because I had spent my entire thirties in a mild state of paralysis and depression. Which to me felt like wondering in the wilderness. I had allowed people and events around me to drown out my inner voice.

I was everybody’s something, and my own nothing, but then came my forties. There was something invigorating about believing that turning forty was the beginnings of my new life. I began to pray for God’s presence and direction like never before. It actually took me sometime to remember what it was that I enjoyed. I tasked myself to come up with 10 things that I enjoyed that did not involve serving anyone else. I realized that everything I liked was because of my husband, kids, or father. It took almost an hour but I did it. From that point I began to seek my own happiness first. Not in a selfish way, but in a self-love way. I still have to remind myself that I am too important not to be a priority. Putting myself first is a learned behavior but I’m learning. But what I know for sure is, that I’m worth it!

Here are 5 things every woman needs to have by the time she’s in her forties.

God– A relationship with your creator. I don’t mean just going to church. I mean a constant conversation, prayer, or meditation between you and God. When you are in a relationship, the most powerful tool is communication. Developing your connection with God is very important.

Right look– This is that look you can pull together in an hour, to land your dream job or captivate your dream mate. Know what silhouettes look good on you. Have a “quick face” so What I Know For Sure even if you are just going to get coffee, you can look pulled together.

Affirmation – By definition the word means emotional support and encouragement. Need I say more?

Cause – A principal, idea or belief that you are willing to work towards insuring its success. I am tempted to say what drives you, because I also believe your “cause” will inspire you into action.

Expertise – That one thing that you do, when you are doing you so well. Even if it’s just a certain dish or a way you pack luggage. You should be able to identify your strengths, and be able to turn it into a profit if necessary.

These words are an acronym for G.R.A.C.E. Which reminds me to give myself grace. Existing by the grace of God, with grace & style, living in his grace and mercy.What I Know For Sure

Be blessed.

Sistalove: Not Just For Sandra Bland Or Bobbi Christina: For You Too

Sistalove is a hashtag that I use on almost all of my posts. Not that all of the things I post are about imagewomen who are blood relatives, but everything I post is about uplifting and empowering the female collective. This sistalove is about the sisterhood that is defined as a society or community of women linked by common interests, religion, trade, or environment. This is the Sistalove that takes work. It’s this Sistalove that requires us to remember that little girl that inside us that needs to know she’s worthy.

In the last few days there has been an overall sentiment ( which I share) of condolences and sympathy for the tragic loss of lives of Sandra Bland and Bobbi Christina Brown. Although I do not want to lessen the value of their lives, I do want to call attention those of us still here.

We have all prayed for, offered virtual condolences, and some have posted comments and remembrances in honor of the lives of the young women whose lives seemed to be cut short far too early. Neither of them having reached thirty years of age. Sigh…no doubt this is surely one of those things that only God knows why this happened. But what amazes me is how the same Sistas that feel so much sympathy for people who they will never meet, are the same Sistas that are degrading, belittling, and plotting against their fellow Sistas that maybe standing right next to them.

Sometimes it’s as simple as planting a negative comment. Sometimes it’s outright slander and defamation! I’m not talking about teens either, I’m talking about grown women. This behavior happens in churches, at schools, in the office, and it’s rampant in our digital sisterhood. It’s so common that it’s sickening!

This Mean Girl behavior is so defeating. I can’t say that I’ve never engaged in selective affiliations, but I can say that I’m not mean. Every time I see this or encounter it, it just screams insecurity! Yes everyone is responsible for their own happiness, but some are also responsible for other peoples sorrow as well. By judging, making fun of, putting down the next woman that doesn’t make you a better person, it actually makes you worst. We’ve all heard you reap what you sow, so do you really want to reap negative energy?image

Everybody has some value, and not the same value! One thing that I try to promote is love. As a follower of Jesus we have a very direct commandment to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. My father use to say give me my flowers while I’m here to enjoy them. Will you give your Sista some flowers while she’s here to enjoy them? Don’t wait for your sister to become the next tragedy to love her. Love her now. Love her skinny, love her fat, love her meekness, love her boldness, love her weave, love her naps, love her, love her as you love yourself.

Then again maybe this is the key, in the words of Whitney Houston “Learning To Love Yourself, Is The Greatest Love Of All” . If you are happy you can’t help but put out happiness! There is a saying that says, “A flower doesn’t worry about competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms”. As you begin to bloom, allow your sister to bloom her way. If you are not blooming, find your happiness and spread it around like confetti!

So what if she doesn’t have a college degree. Maybe she’s a single mother, or she doesn’t go to church, or maybe she’s a holy roller. None of these makes the next woman any less worthy of respect and love. Most women come from environments that treat us as second class anyway, we don’t need to make it any harder by trying to make another female your footstool to elevate your self worth.

For some the sheer act of picking themselves up and deciding to do better for themselves is nothing short of an act of God. We all have our own life to live, and just because someone’s gift isn’t in a package for you, that doesn’t mean their gift isn’t valuable.

So if you’re a mean girl, undercover or blatantly, please take a step back and consider, what does it profit you to bring someone else down? And if you or on the receiving end of the “you can’t sit with us” attitude, fret not. Your time will come! Keep moving forward and stay true to yourself!image

Just know if no one ever tells you that you are important, you are important to your Heavenly Father ! When God is for you no weapon formed against you shall prosper! Remember it’s not saying that the weapons won’t be formed, but the victory is yours! You are important! You are enough!

So the very next time you see or hear a Sista trying to take another down, call her out. Don’t let it be ok. Just remember what goes around comes around so send out good. And good will come back. When you see your Sista, give her her flowers while she can still enjoy them.

See Ya later Phatty!



My intention was to write this post about packing to go away on a long weekend road trip. My plan was what to wear and how to pack it. But, so much has happened to me this past week , I know there is more to be shared. Sometimes on your journey to a really awesome life, God will challenge you with a risk of faith. These risk will cause you to go beyond your comfort zone. The reality is everything we do all day involves some level of faith in action. imageWhen you sit in a chair you have faith that it will hold you up. Sometimes it doesn’t, lol but that doesn’t stop you from sitting on chairs 😉. We faithfully go outside and turn the key in our vehicle, knowing it will take us to our intended destination. With these actions we go through our days with a childlike faith, never questioning the outcome. Yet, sometimes God challenges you to take greater risk so that He may get the glory from your life. The bible tells us with out faith it is impossible to please God. In fackt Rick Warren author of “ The Purpose Driven Live” says the worst thing we can do is play it safe with ourselves. This brings to mind that familiar phrase “no test, no testimony”!

Last Tuesday as I sat at my desk contemplating going shopping to pick up a few things, I decided to check my account balance. To my horror I was at -52 cent. I panicked! I went through my transactions and found out that someone had completely emptied my checking account! To say I was sickened couldn’t possibly be enough to explain the feeling I was having. Now this was 2 days before the holiday and I had no money! The bank employees were very helpful and reassuring but guess what I was still broke👊. They explained that it could take up to 90 days to get my money back😫. Brokeness aside ( note everybody’s broke has a different number) I couldn’t help but wonder what God was using this experience for, and why did He have to take my money for me to get the lesson!image

I made it through the 4th of July and my work week began, now I started to think about my plans to go to Virginia for the “Return Of The Curls 2 Weekend”. I purchased my tickets months ago when I found out Myleik was going to be there.

Should I go in brokeness, lol?! I prayed hard about it. everything in me said go, but fear was holding me captive. I started seeing all these words ( I’m going to label them convictions) posts, emails, conversations and even unrelated photos that spoke to me about stepping out on faith and trusting God. Now usually by the time I see words, God has resorted to His last way of communicating with me😂. If I explain away the feelings, He plants thoughts. If I dismiss the thoughts, He brings up my experience of victory. If I’m still hesitant, then the yelling starts( “words” lol. )That’s the last way God converses with me.

Being a faith filled person it is necessary for me to recognize and acknowledge God. Finally I got the lesson! Realizing that money will fail you but God never will. So I decided to press my way on.image

I kinda thought staying home would be the safe thing to do, but this would rob me of the awesome life that I desire. I’m not use to traveling, but God has planted this seed of travel in my spirit. I often describe my self as the tree by the river, but my roots are growing long and strong, stretching further, grounded in faith, and trusting Gods plans for me.

By the way, the images I used are my younger cousins travel photos that inspire me to pursue my totally awesome life by stepping out on faith!image

Remember when the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59: 19

May the love of God bring you peace as you seek joy.image

Mother’s Love: 5 Gifts To Make The Caregiver Give Herself Some Care

Mother's Day GuideMore often than not the Mom is the caregiver, nurturer and, problem solver. She often puts her own needs and wants aside for the happiness of the family. Sometimes it’s even this happiness in her family that give her the greatest joy.

We give gifts of flowers, meal, presents, and sometimes  gifts of rest and me time. It’s almost impossible to give her a gift that will even come close to what she deserves, but why not give her the gift of self care?

Check out our Caregivers Gift Guide for the caregiver in your life. As the natural caregiver we very often put ourselves last. This list was created with this in mind. All of these add value to her life while encouraging Mom to care for herself.

Make Mom a Workout Playlist~TheGrove Is In The Heart: yes this was one of my favorite jams!
research has show the following affect of music on the human body:
Mothers Day Gift Guide

Changed the heart rate
Affected blood pressure
Changed the metabolic rate
Reduced physical and mental stress
Reduced fatigue

All of these things aid the flow of energy in the human body.

The sound waves of music enter your ears and turns into pulses or vibrations, which travel to the nerves in the brain. The pulses influence the brain, which then translates to the body’s movement.

Here is my Mothers Day Workout Playlist :

Sugar Scrub~You ever see those people who just look so shiny an soft? More than likely they exfoliate. They Mothers Day Gift Guideuse a mild scrub like sugar or salt and rub away the old skin. This leaves the new younger skin exposed and it is shiny and soft. Why not get Mom a little jar of sugar scrub that she can mix with her favorite body wash, or you can whip up a batch here is a basic recipe!

What Are the Benefits of Sugar Scrubs?. The seasons can wreak havoc on the skin. In summer or winter, skin exposed to the elements can become dry, itchy and flaky. Sugar scrubs can be a perfect solution to keep your skin smooth and radiant throughout the year.

If you want to try your hand at a DIY Sugar Scrub here is an easy 4 ingredient one.
Kick It~  Why not treat mom to a new pair of sneaker as we call them in the Northeast? To everyone else they are either Tennis or Gym shoes. 🙂 Every Mom no matter what her age can use a little me time walk. More often than not we make time for everything and everybody. By getting her a new pair of kicks you will be letting her know, it’s ok to put herself first. Even if it is only for an hour or so.

Mothers Day Gift GuideHow to know if it’s time for a knew pair of kicks:

The typical athletic shoe is only built to last 350 to 500 miles. While walkers are not pounding their shoes as hard as runners, you are unlikely to still get good support and cushioning past 500 miles. Your weight is also a factor — the more you weigh, the faster your shoes will wear out. If you are walking 30 minutes a day, or an average of 3 to 4 hours a week, replace your shoes every six months. If you are walking 60 minutes a day or an average of 7 hours a week, replace your shoes every three months.

Happy Feet Basket~ Almost everybody sells a pedicure kit. From Sephora to Walgreens. To keep it simple buy her a cute pair of open toe sandals, a pedicure kit, and put it in a nice bowl or pail for soaking feet. Make sure the kit includes at least these items: nail clippers, a nail file, a cuticle stick/orange stick, a nail buffer, a pumice stone or scrubbing brush, a clear top and base coat, and a polish color of choice. Optional additional supplies include bath salts for soaking your feet, cuticle trimmers, cuticle oil, and Mothers Day Gift Guidelotion fora massage afterwards.

And just know pedicure are not just for beauty click the here and see other help benefits that are derived from getting regular pedicures.


Don’t Read Me Read A Book~ Well we all know a mother’s read can be infamous! 🙂 but why not give her something else to read? Like Valerie Burton’s book Successful Women Think Differently! We love Valerie Burton books! True to form this life coach continues to give words of encouragement all the while dropping jewels on how to think different to be different. She shares the common practices of successful women. So give mom some food for though while encouraging her to take some time and curl up with a good book.

Mothers Day Gift GuideHere are 5 unconventional affects of reading a good book:

1. Most affective way to relieve stress.
2. Keeps your brain sharp
3. Helps you sleep
4. Increase your empathy
5. Has been shown to ease depression

So don’t just get her something that for that one day, give her the gift that we all want but don’t even know it! The gift of time to care for herself! I hope you take care of mom everyday, but Mother’s Day is her official day of honor!

Whether you add these to your gift you already have or you make all or one of these your gift, or even if you gift these to yourself I hope you enjoy your Caregivers Gift Guide! Be sure to let us know what you think. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and like us on Facebook.Mothers day

Happy Mother’s Day!