Sistalove is a hashtag that I use on almost all of my posts. Not that all of the things I post are about women who are blood relatives, but everything I post is about uplifting and empowering the female collective. This sistalove is about the sisterhood that is defined as a society or community of women linked by common interests, religion, trade, or environment. This is the Sistalove that takes work. It’s this Sistalove that requires us to remember that little girl that inside us that needs to know she’s worthy.
In the last few days there has been an overall sentiment ( which I share) of condolences and sympathy for the tragic loss of lives of Sandra Bland and Bobbi Christina Brown. Although I do not want to lessen the value of their lives, I do want to call attention those of us still here.
We have all prayed for, offered virtual condolences, and some have posted comments and remembrances in honor of the lives of the young women whose lives seemed to be cut short far too early. Neither of them having reached thirty years of age. Sigh…no doubt this is surely one of those things that only God knows why this happened. But what amazes me is how the same Sistas that feel so much sympathy for people who they will never meet, are the same Sistas that are degrading, belittling, and plotting against their fellow Sistas that maybe standing right next to them.
Sometimes it’s as simple as planting a negative comment. Sometimes it’s outright slander and defamation! I’m not talking about teens either, I’m talking about grown women. This behavior happens in churches, at schools, in the office, and it’s rampant in our digital sisterhood. It’s so common that it’s sickening!
This Mean Girl behavior is so defeating. I can’t say that I’ve never engaged in selective affiliations, but I can say that I’m not mean. Every time I see this or encounter it, it just screams insecurity! Yes everyone is responsible for their own happiness, but some are also responsible for other peoples sorrow as well. By judging, making fun of, putting down the next woman that doesn’t make you a better person, it actually makes you worst. We’ve all heard you reap what you sow, so do you really want to reap negative energy?
Everybody has some value, and not the same value! One thing that I try to promote is love. As a follower of Jesus we have a very direct commandment to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. My father use to say give me my flowers while I’m here to enjoy them. Will you give your Sista some flowers while she’s here to enjoy them? Don’t wait for your sister to become the next tragedy to love her. Love her now. Love her skinny, love her fat, love her meekness, love her boldness, love her weave, love her naps, love her, love her as you love yourself.
Then again maybe this is the key, in the words of Whitney Houston “Learning To Love Yourself, Is The Greatest Love Of All” . If you are happy you can’t help but put out happiness! There is a saying that says, “A flower doesn’t worry about competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms”. As you begin to bloom, allow your sister to bloom her way. If you are not blooming, find your happiness and spread it around like confetti!
So what if she doesn’t have a college degree. Maybe she’s a single mother, or she doesn’t go to church, or maybe she’s a holy roller. None of these makes the next woman any less worthy of respect and love. Most women come from environments that treat us as second class anyway, we don’t need to make it any harder by trying to make another female your footstool to elevate your self worth.
For some the sheer act of picking themselves up and deciding to do better for themselves is nothing short of an act of God. We all have our own life to live, and just because someone’s gift isn’t in a package for you, that doesn’t mean their gift isn’t valuable.
So if you’re a mean girl, undercover or blatantly, please take a step back and consider, what does it profit you to bring someone else down? And if you or on the receiving end of the “you can’t sit with us” attitude, fret not. Your time will come! Keep moving forward and stay true to yourself!
Just know if no one ever tells you that you are important, you are important to your Heavenly Father ! When God is for you no weapon formed against you shall prosper! Remember it’s not saying that the weapons won’t be formed, but the victory is yours! You are important! You are enough!
So the very next time you see or hear a Sista trying to take another down, call her out. Don’t let it be ok. Just remember what goes around comes around so send out good. And good will come back. When you see your Sista, give her her flowers while she can still enjoy them.
See Ya later Phatty!